No One Is To Blame

By Anthony Gold

As kids, whenever something would break in our house, my dad would shout at my brother and me: “Who did this?!”

We’d both look at one another, then back to my dad, and in unison say, “He did.”

There were only two siblings, so the only way one of us could be innocent when something “bad” happened was to ensure the other person was deemed guilty.

We had previously tried blaming the cat for incidents such as broken windows and holes in the wall, but surprisingly, my parents’ sense of believability only stretched so far.

As young boys, we truly believed the safest, and surest, path to freedom was to imprison the other one.

It’s not surprising that my brother and I were not the closest of friends growing up.

Blame is a sinister act. But especially so when we actually believe someone else is responsible for our suffering.

It’s his fault!

When we can find – and point out – who is to blame, we feel justified in our emotions and accusation.

And when things don’t turn out the way we had hoped and we feel unfairly treated, we know who is responsible.

Our just finger of truth points directly at the source of the malaise.

It’s your fault!

In righteous justification, our scars bear witness to the truth.

You did this to me.

What makes this so sinister is not the accusation. It’s the belief that someone (or something) else is responsible for our suffering.

The desire to blame someone else is very purposive. It serves to get us off the hook. If they are guilty, then I am the innocent victim. And the more I can relate and attach myself to my victimhood, the more “innocent” I must be.

This is why blame is so ominous. Because it keeps us looking in the wrong place for the source of our suffering.

But there’s another way of experiencing and living in the world. One in which there is no blame. One in which we recognize that our happiness (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with other people or the world – but has everything to do with our state of mind.

There’s an incredible release of pain and emptying of weighty baggage that comes with making such a mindset shift. Our entire worldview is instantly transformed when we truly understand that no one, ever, is to blame.

Join me in Monday’s class where we’ll explore the nature of blame and how we can escape from its menacing grip. I look forward to seeing you then.

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