It’s the age old question about leading a rewarding life: What makes you happy?

While we might think that external events such as the size of our bank account or people doing what we want them to do or a healthy/attractive body are the source of our happiness (or lack thereof), the truth of the matter is something different.

Nothing can make us happy, however, we have the choice to be happy.

In this podcast, I share my experiences answering this question and suggest a framework for choosing happiness.

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I used to play a hide-and-seek game in childhood with my brother where one of us would hide an object, and the other person had to find it. And the hider would give clues by either saying “you’re getting warmer” if the person was getting close to the object, whereas “colder” meant the seeker was moving further away from the prize.

We could play this game for hours, especially on rainy days when we were trapped inside.

Imagine if life were that simple: an external voice telling us when we’re getting warmer or colder so that we could quickly adjust our path and achieve the rewards we desire.

Actually, it turns out there are two voices doing just that.

Unfortunately, one of those voices is unreliable.

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Naguib Mahfouz was an amazing, Nobel Prize winning writer who was one of the first Egyptian authors to explore themes of existentialism. He died in 2006 at the age of 94 and is remembered for so many stirring novels, short stories, and movie scripts that he wrote over his prolific career.

But of all his works, there is one quote that is perhaps Mahfouz’ most powerful:

Fear does not prevent death, it prevents life.

When we cling to fear, not only do we give it power over our lives, but we also limit our perception.

Everything we see (perceive) is nothing but a projection of what’s in our mind. And when we choose fear as our source, then all we will experience is various forms of fear. Fear of other people, fear of certain situations, fear of certain outcomes, fear of the unknown, and perhaps most significant to humans, fear of death.

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What is reality?

It’s a question that has challenged philosophers for ages.

If I can touch, taste, see, hear, or smell it – then it must be real.

If it affects my emotions then clearly reality is operating.

But the same is true in dreams. My senses and emotions are triggered. It isn’t until I wake up that I realize it wasn’t real. During the dream it seemed as if all the images and experiences were truly occurring.

While everything around us seems to convince us that this is real – it isn’t.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” This from one of the greatest thinkers in modern history, Albert Einstein.

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In the 1700s, a teaching assistant at a medical university in Vienna was very much disliked by his students. So much so that the students ambushed the TA, blindfolded him, and told him he was about to be decapitated. They bowed his head onto the chopping block, and then dropped a wet cloth onto the back of his neck. Convinced it was the kiss of a steel blade, the assistant died on the spot.

While the data is a bit sparse on the veracity of this claim, modern research is exploring much more intently the mind’s ability to both heal and harm. The placebo effect comes from the Latin “I will please”, and every clinical trial randomly assigns a cohort of patients to a placebo in the form of an inert pill.

Much of the research shows that belief can often lead to improved outcomes. By believing this pill will help, many patients show an actual physiologic response.

But there’s a curious corollary to the placebo effect. Many of these patients also report puzzling side effects such as nausea, headaches, or pain – symptoms that are highly unlikely to come from an inert tablet. What’s causing this phenomenon is that all patients are given the exact same health warnings regarding the medication – whether they are taking the real drug or the placebo. And yet, the expectation of symptoms produces physical manifestations in many placebo takers.

It’s called the nocebo effect.

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