Two monks are silently walking along a river path when they encounter a beautiful woman looking to cross the water to the other bank. The woman is wearing expensive, flowing clothes and is worried her dress will be ruined by the water and mud.

The older monk picks the woman up on his shoulders, carries her across the river, and sets her down on the other side. The woman graciously thanks the monk, and the two ascetics resume their silent journey toward the monastery.

Several hours later as they neared their cloister, the younger monk could no longer contain his disdain and lashed out expressing severe disappointment. “How could you have touched that woman! We are holy men who have taken a vow of chastity. And you not only put your hands on her, but you picked her up and carried her. What were you thinking?”

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There’s a French expression that reads, “Tout comprendre c’est tout pardonner.” To understand all is to forgive all.

What does it mean to forgive?

We generally think of forgiveness as something we do for another person. I forgive you for what you did to me. While you may have hurt me, I am willing to overlook your attack and move on with our relationship.

But the actual definition of “forgive” has nothing to do with another person. The word literally means to stop feeling angry or resentful. In other words, it’s all about the aggrieved and no one else.

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Fifth graders were told that a closed box at the front of the classroom contained a test that measured a very important scholastic ability. Then all the students were asked these two questions:

• Do you think this test measures how smart you are?
• Do you think this test measures how smart you’ll be when you grow up?

A majority of the students answered that not only would the test measure how smart they were, but that indeed it would indicate how smart they’d be as adults.

A small minority didn’t believe the test could measure how smart they were, nor could it possibly indicate their future intelligence.

What separates this small group from the masses?

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I was driving toward the basket, ready to pull up for a short jump shot that I was sure would clinch the victory. I stopped, planted my feet, and was about to jump. But the opponent guarding me accidentally stepped hard on my ankle. My foot rolled over ninety degrees, tearing all the ligaments in my ankle.

The pain was excruciating – both at the moment and for several weeks into recovery. But I never lost my love of playing, and couldn’t wait to get back on the court.

While the NBA has strict rules on fouling, streetball has far fewer regulations and is much rougher. The term “no harm, no foul” (also referred to as “no blood, no foul”) comes from this game and essentially implies that unless a person is significantly injured, there is no foul.

Now let’s extrapolate that concept to the realm of suffering in general. When we feel we’ve been harmed by another (be it physical, emotional, or psychological), we want that person to atone for their misdeed – by apologizing and ideally somehow “righting” their wrong.

And, by extension, we use the term forgiveness to imply that we are willing to look past the injustice, perhaps by “accepting” the apology or other form of reparation.

But what if there was no harm?
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The elevator doors opened onto an eerily silent large room. The lights were dimmed, but I could see there were a lot of people standing there. All staring at me.

“What is going on?” was the only semi-cogent thought I could contemplate in my confused state.

“Surprise!” everyone yelled out.

The lights were raised, and now I could make out many of the faces amongst the sea of party decorations.

It was my birthday, and this was a surprise party. I was thoroughly shocked.

But at least my confused state had given way to wonder, awe, and appreciation for the touchingly generous recognition.

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